Getting up in the middle of the night is one thing, however, it's a completely different thing when you add actually trying to get something accomplished. Such as pouring and heating up milk.
Two nights ago, I was especially tired. Not sure why. It seems as though about every third day, I get even more tired. This night, apparently was one of those nights.
First, some backstory... Now, it has seemed that Kaelynn & I .. we have been having some struggles over this whole BF (breastfeeding) thing. Is it me? (I've never done this before). Is it her? (She's never done this before.) Whatever the case is, we have been struggling for the last month on trying to find our BF ying & yang.
In the meantime, I pump milk for her. For anyone who has never done this.. it's not that awesome. Basically it's not using your hands for 15 minutes while air vacuums milk out your nipples. It's not fun & it doesn't particularly feel good. But alas, the baby has to eat. (Have you ever smelt formula? Doesn't smell good. BM (breastmlik) is way better). Anyway, for the last month, approximately every THREE hours, I pump milk. In the beginning I made about 30 mLs on each side. On a good day, I can get about 60 mLs on each side. Each day fluctuates. It's pretty hard to determine how much milk will come out of each side.
So this last week, I haven't been making that much milk. It's probably because I haven't been really dedicated to the whole EVERY THREE HOURS thing. (Seriously, where does your day go???) I've been averaging about 30-45 mLs. Kaelynn drinks about 110 mLs during a feeding, so we have been having to supplement with formula a lot more, so my supply can hopefully catch up.
Anyway, back to that tired, tired night.... Corey was feeding Kaelynn and I had just finished pumping. I think I had about 30 mLs on one side and 45 mLs on the other side. I was taking the pumping equipment off of the top of the bottles and getting ready to put the cap on, when I accidentally knocked over the 45 mL bottle.
45 mLs of my hard pumped milk spilt all over the counter. What was I to do? I cried. Yes, I cried over that spilled milk. I was so tired and so worn out and so upsets that that milk which was so hard to get was dripping on to the floor. Poor Corey. He had to deal with TWO crybabies.
I have been feeling like I have lost at this whole BF thing. It feels like she will never get it and I'll be doomed to pump milk for the rest of her life. (Honestly, if she doesn't latch on, I don't think I will make it to a year of BF.. maybe 6 months.. even that is such a long time.)
Here's my silver lining...
Yesterday, we went back to the Lactation Specialist, Gwen. (Thank you Kaiser for your lovely Lactation Specialists that I don't have to pay to see). We have been seeing Gwen, literally since Kaelynn was born. I think we have been to 6 appointments which are approximately 2ish hours long. You would think that we would have made some progress by now. Actually, we did.
Gwen said that most babies don't know how to BF when they are born. It's a learned behavior. I didn't know that. I guess I assumed that BF was something that a baby knew how to do. How did babies survive without BF before formula?? I mean those babies had to figure it out if they wanted to eat, so why couldn't Kaelynn? (For one, she definitely has her father's temper. Wow. She is a screamer when she is mad/hungry). It seems as though not everyone else has this problem. I was watching "A Baby Story" on TLC and it seems like everyone of them can feed their babies like no big deal. It's such a misconception that MOST babies don't know how to BF right off the bat.
Gwen said that what a baby does up to when they are approximentaly 1 month old is instinct. After 1 month, they start to remember and use what they have learned. So Kaelynn (who had been doing a lot of the right stuff) should catch on after 1 month. And what do you know? Yesterday, she was over a month old.
So we tried our regular positions and still that pouty rosebud mouth would not open to accomidate. Then Gwen suggested we try a different position. I needed to tickle her nose with my nipple. And VOILA her mouth OPENED. And AMAZING she LATCHED ON! I was in shock. My smart 1 month old baby, latched on for about 15 minutes (which is the right amount of time) and she drank over 1 oz. of milk! That's 30 mLs! Then we tried with the other side.. she latched on, but not as well as the first side.. but still was able to drink milk!!!
I felt like a success! We have made progress! All of my stress and crying and frustrations have paid off! I do see that light at the end of our BF tunnel.
True, today, she didn't do as well as yesterday (maybe the other set of hands helps).. but I know that she is going to get this. I know that our BF story is going to have a happy ending. I will still pump milk for her but I have a feeling that we are going to find our ying & yang soon.
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