Unfortunately, summer is over, which means my tenure as a stay at home mom {SAHM} is over too.
It was great while it lasted, but I guess, like the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Well, it's not coming to an end actually, I mean, seriously, I'll still be her MOTHER, just won't be one that gets to enjoy her all day every day (and besides, I would probably get sick of that, lol, right?)
Mostly, the big thing that I feel is worry. True, I don't have to worry about where we are going to send Kaelynn for daycare. Finally got that figured out {not that Arbor ever called me back}. We decided to go with Kamaina Kids, which is less money {although still expensive} and close to our home. We do have a fall back plan {a friend of my mom's} in case it doesn't end up working out, which is great too.
But I'm worried about her {and me}. We had this great thing going; our days were scheduled and in sync. We had a routine! It was a great routine! And now I'm worried that her routine will be all screwed up. At the daycare, there are 6 other kids in her class. The ratio of student to teacher is 3 to 1, which is pretty good, but they are babies! I worry that she won't get enough attention. I worry that her day will get wonky. There is nothing better than 1 on 1 attention, and I recognize that as sucky as that may be, it's not in the cards for us {at least right now}. I worry about her eating; she just started eating solids; what if something about that gets messed up? What if she doesn't get enough to eat or drink? {I'm worrying too much right?}
I worry about her nap time. She pretty much only sleeps in the swing during her daytime naps. She likes to snuggle with the ribbon blanket, but the ribbon blanket can't go to school, no personal items like that are allowed. They don't have any swings {well, they have this little buzzer chair thing, that is similar}. So, does this mean that she won't be able to nap? Or does this mean that if she's tired enough, she'll figure it out? I want to make a schedule and a list of things that she likes and needs, but I don't want to turn into THAT parent, if you know what I mean.
At least for this week & next, she'll still be with Corey. She doesn't start daycare until the 22nd. But does Corey know the routine?? I'm not sure.
I know that Corey will have his own routine with her and it will be a good one too, but I just feel sad that it won't be with me.
Today we had a great time at the Children's Discovery Center. It was a blast and I can't wait to take Kaelynn back when she is a little bigger {like when she's walking}. I was having fun too!! There are so many fun things to play with. On the one hand, I'm glad that we had that fun experience with all of our friends, but on the other hand, I'm a little bummed that Kaelynn & I's last weekday together wasn't a routine day. {We have a separate routine for the weekends}. But, it's different now anyway with Charlotte visiting.
[UGH. Is my firefox not working or is the internet not working? Seriously irritating me right now!]
And then there are the whole mixed feelings about being back at work. Eh, it's hard giving up summer. I mean, I love my job? I do enjoy my job & I think we are going to have a great year this year, but honestly, I really wish I was staying home with Kaelynn. And it's harder going back now, then it was in April, because now someone that I don't know {instead of Scyntha} will be watching her & that just makes me nervous {as you all know}.
All I can do is give her extra snuggles in the morning and head off to work like the grown up that I am. It sucks, and we can't change that. I wish there was some way that I could hide her in the back of the classroom. The kids would never notice, right? If only we had daycare at work; wouldn't that be ideal? That would be like a dream.
I thought about staying home. Especially when it seems like daycare would take up, literally, my whole paycheck. {Now, the question is, do I get a higher paying job, quit the job, or suck it up?} I do like my job, I really do. It's my 5th year at Assets. I'm like a oldie now! I know the ropes! I know the tricks! I just sometimes wonder, is it worth it? Is is worth having someone else spend more hours a week with her than I do? But then again, if I quit my job, there goes health insurance & dental & 401k. Health insurance is pretty much the deal breaker. We cannot have no health insurance with a baby. Definitely cannot. And I was on QUEST before and it pretty much sucks. I couldn't imagine being on that with a baby! Health insurance is so expensive. And then how will we pay our bills? But, how will be pay our bills when more than half of our money goes to childcare?? It's like seriously a catch-22. Lose lose. Which is really unfortunate! :(
And I'm just being a pessimist because I am going to miss her so much while I'm back at work. How am I supposed to focus on work when I am constantly thinking/worrying about her? Bleh.
Being a grown up sucks. Did I mention that already? It sucks!
And, I guess I better get back to that. I need to get my things in order for tomorrow and go and snuggle with my baby. <3
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