I go back to work in 20ish days. The things that I am most scared of are 1) being super tired at work because of waking up the middle of the night & 2) missing her. Like, I get all used to being around her and then I have to go back to work and miss her all day long. But I have to go back to work. There isn't an option to stay home even though that's what I would ideally like to do. Even though it's pretty hard trying to navigate being at home all alone during the day. I think we have developed pretty nice system. And I know that Corey is away from her all day & misses her... but, I guess he isn't as used to his whole world like literally revolving around her and her eating/sleeping schedule. Eh, it's one of those things that I just have to suck up & being a grown up about.
And I have to get my things for work all situated. I have no idea where my work keys are. That's definitely NOT a good sign.
Next week is my Mom's Spring Break, so that will be super nice to have someone else around the house. And then the week after that, Corey will be on Spring Break & my younger sister, Charlotte will be home as well. That will be nice because it will be the first time that she will meet Kaelynn. Definitely have to get some calendar photos done.. cover, anyone? I mean, it's so rare that we are all together (and for a happy reason!).
Speaking of that.. the one year anniversary of my dear sweet Grandmother's passing is coming up. Weird. I can't believe it's almost been a year. I have been having dreams about her and thinking about her a lot more. We kinda refer to Kaelynn as being Grandma's baby.. like she picked her out in Heaven and sent her down to us. I talk to Kaelynn about Grandma and it's really saddening that they won't get to meet (although, I'm sure Grandma met her in Heaven, when she picked her out.) Kaelynn will, no doubt, know what a great and loving and amazing person Grandma was. And hopefully, one of these days, maybe next week, Kaelynn can Skype with Grandpa. I think that he would really like that.
My 5 week old baby has hit a milestone. She is too big for Newborn diapers, however, a tad too small for size 1 diapers. But size 1! I'm like, Yikes! She is growing up so fast! Where did the time go?! Dad said that before I know it, she will be graduating from high school (kinda like how he turned around and found his three daughters all grown up). That's crazy talk. And sometimes, when I see older girl clothes, I feel like saying, "Oh! I can't wait to see you in this!" or "I can't wait until you are big enough to wear this!" But then I have to stop myself, because seriously, I CAN wait. I try to enjoy these small, snuggly times as much as I can. Size 1 diapers... so this is just the beginning.
She slept in her actual crib for all of 5 minutes today before waking up and crying. I think that this partly had to do with Snickers being a super crybaby when she's in her kennel (there is a carpenter here putting in our wooden floored hallway) and the dog room is right next to the baby's room and she is super loud through the wall. Our goal is to have Kaelynn sleeping in her crib (and not in the playpen in the living room) AT MOST before I go back to work. 20 something days. I think she is big enough to sleep in her own room. Besides, the playpen has to go to Scyntha's house when I go back to work, so she's going to have a tough time sleeping in it at night time.
Carter's is having a sale. Which is dangerous because seriously, have you seen their clothing??? Because my naughty dogs chewed up two of her cutest outfits, I naturally had to go and pick them up again. I bought them in the 3 month old size. Corey says I shouldn't buy everything is in the same size because she won't be able to wear it all before she out grows it. She is can still fit newborn sized clothes, so I don't know why he is that worried. I figure she could probably wear the 3 month old size for a while. Most of the things look pretty big. Besides, the sizing is generic anyway because all babies are different sizes at 3 months anyway. Also Scyntha bought Kaelynn the cutest St. Patrick's Day dress. I can't wait to see her in it! :)
As for the feeding issue.. I think we have had some success on that front. She almost took a full feeding today on the breast before falling asleep. I had to give her some pumped breastmilk before she fell asleep. I guess the problem now is that I am not consistent. I don't breastfeed her at night or when we go out during the day. And now I have been feeling slightly panicky when I don't have very much milk when I pump and Mom says that's good because it means she is drinking it but then I'm like, there won't be any stored! Silly when ultimately my goal is to have her breastfeed mostly.. and then it's like as soon as she does that, I feel like I will be back at work and she will have to be drinking out of the bottle anyway.
However, I discovered something amazing on the bottle front. I had kinda been hearing a little buzz about these bottles, but I finally checked them out yesterday. They have a more natural nipple. It is made out of a light silicone and it actually goes in and moves like a really nipple when the baby is sucking on it. The bottle system is called Tommee Tippee and it's from England. They are only available to be bought at Babies R Us. So I bought some bottles (Oh, btw, Babies R US is having a BUY one get one HALF off sale on them right now, if anyone is interested). Kaelynn LOVES them! She spits up SO MUCH less and doesn't lose as much milk down her front or out of the sides of her mouth. I can see her latch onto them and then when she goes to the breast, it's she makes the right latch there too. We have had so much more success with the breastfeeding after she started using these new bottles and it has only been one day. A definite must for breast to bottle and vice versa babies. I wish I had discovered these bottles earlier on. Also the bottles are super cute and come in silver, pink or blue. Naturally, Kaelynn has the pink bottles. :)
My Lenten goal is to become more organized. I'm never good with giving up things. I'm pretty good with the doing someone good for someone else everyday as well. Definitely, if I try to organize at least one thing of mine (or put away my laundry, or sort through paperwork, or give away things I no longer need) I will be A LOT better off. And it will make a lot of things easier when I go back to work.
Missy Pants is awake.
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